You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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