My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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