Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
