how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
NoShamevember. You game?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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