that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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