dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
