Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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