i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
