i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
