I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
