I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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