Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
