he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
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I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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