Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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