Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
