so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
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just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
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gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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