what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
