I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wish you could order shots online.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
