i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Never underestimate the power of titties
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
