There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
