I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
