Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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