i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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