Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
