I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
