I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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