I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
