there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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