some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
