I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
