did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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