All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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