Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
