I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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