So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
But we have bathrooms and they dont
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
