He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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