good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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