dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
