i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
