I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
