Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
