ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
