I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
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My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
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The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
40s are totally the cure
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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