So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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