Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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