Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
