good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I smell stomach acid.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now