So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.