I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
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How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
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I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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