He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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