Duck Duck Cougar?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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