You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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