i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just found the deal breaker
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.