you traded sex for a burrito?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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