I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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