I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
