so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He passed out mid-signature
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
