I think im going to throw up on grandma
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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