He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
