Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
