You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
