dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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