You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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