do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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