STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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