sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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