I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
