If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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