Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
