How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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