I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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