dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
