and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
