Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
