you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
