My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
