Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
