That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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