I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
