I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
