I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
