you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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