You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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