Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
pop tarts are not kleenex
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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