week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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