It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
