My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
