if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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