I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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