you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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