Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
