smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
