This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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