naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
