if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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