remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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