Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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