I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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